


Trashstuck

by princessofmind



Series: University Polaroid [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-11
Updated: 2011-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessofmind/pseuds/princessofmind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with a simple order: take out the goddamn trash.  How were you supposed to know you would end up trying to scale the side of your dorm like Bear Grylls?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trashstuck

**> Be KARKAT VANTAS**

Unless you like being a wet, cold, twenty-something year old, you probably don't want to be **KARKAT VANTAS** right now. But maybe you're in to that sort of thing, so I guess we can just continue on despite the less-than-comfortable conditions.

All good things must eventually come to an end, just like the scalding hot shower you were just taking, but as soon as you open the shower curtain, you wonder where your horned helmet is, because you just discovered fucking Greenland. Hinga dinga durga. It'd be nice if they finally got around to installing goddamn central heating in your dorm, but that's the price you pay for living in what used to be the English building.

Usually, you would have soaked in the steam and boiled yourself like a lobster until there was no hot water left for anyone else for the rest of the break, but your roommate unceremoniously bursting in to the shared bathroom broke the routine enough to make you hurry.

"Kk, give me your ID card," he'd demanded, having to raise his voice to be heard over the steady drum of the shower.

"Jesus Christ, just because the door doesn't lock doesn't mean it's a fucking embossed invitation to come in whenever you feel like it," you snarl back, already elbow deep in your girly-ass L'Oreal shampoo (because you're fucking worth it). "Why do you need my card?"

"I wath going to go grab some food from the UC before it clotheth for the day," he lisped, and it was disgusting how your stomachs rumbled in tandem at the mere mention of a meal. "I don't have any meal planth till next week, and I know you've thtill got thome left, tho."

You've been working on an extra credit project for your programming class, since it's winter break and hell if two geeks like yourself have anything better to do. No Christmas parties or over the top family gatherings to go to, just two guys, a mountain of computers, living off of peanut butter, stale Ritz crackers, and energy drinks. Come to think of it, that's probably where all of Sollux's meal plans went; he came in at the beginning of the week with his backpack stuffed to the brim with every variety of Monster energy drinks under the sun.

"Fine, since you're going to go get it instead of making me leave, I'll pay," It's worth it to get just a few minutes to yourself. "It's in my jeans pocket on my bed."

"Thankth; take out the trath when you get out of the thower, though. The kitchen area thmellth like butt." Of course, the door is closed before you can offer the scathing remark "how would you know what butt smells like?" but that's probably a bit juvenile, even for you.

**Karkat > Survive encounter with arctic tundra**

The lack of central heating doesn't usually bother you, even though you and Sollux combined weigh less than the quarterback on the school's football team. You like wearing as many layers as possible and then wrapping up in even more blankets and using the always overheating bottom of your laptop like a personal heater, despite your roommates insistence that one day it's going to set you on fire. He doesn't know shit about the loving relationship you have with your laptop; it'd never hurt you like that.

Although it's near freezing in your part of the state, there's not been any snow yet, much to the chagrin of some of your friends. Personally, you hate snow. The only thing you hate more than snow is rain. And wind. And sunshine. And hail. And probably meteor storms too, but you've never experienced one of those first hand (not that a lot of people have).

In the winter, you don't take the time to rub every droplet of water off your body, mostly because your towel isn't a fucking Shamwow and that would take for-fucking-ever, even if it wasn't so damn cold. So once you're dry enough that your pants and shirt won't stick to you funny, you make a mad dash for your bedroom. Sollux never understood why you couldn't just take your clothes in to the bathroom with you, and he called you a pansy when you tried to explain that the clothes get damp from the condensation from your hot showers, and then they're just gross to wear. What a fuckass. (Besides, you're pretty sure that you've seen him working at the desktop in the living room in the buff when he thought you were gone.)

From somewhere near the seventh circle of hell (or the bottom of your closet) you drag out underpants, sweats, and a (mostly) clean t-shirt. God, laundry is going to be a Herculean undertaking between the two of you when you finish this project. As you pull the selected garments on, you can't help but feel like there was something you were supposed to do before Sollux got back.

**Karkat > Take out the trash**

Oh yeah. It's more like "take out the recyclables" than take out the trash, since all the trash they've generated over the past week was aluminum cans from soda and energy drinks and the occasional microwave soup. Luckily for you, the environmentally friendly Kanaya provided you with a recycling bin at the beginning of the semester, so now you no longer have to sort through your trash after it's all been mixed together because you're a stupid male. Hooray!

Gathering the two trash bags (managing not to spill the mountain of Monster cans all over the linoleum), you decide not to bother with going all the way back to your room to get your shoes (or a jacket for that matter). It may be cold outside, but the trash bin is within spitting distance of your dorm, so you'd be back inside before you get a chance to truly experience the cold. At least you're not wet anymore.

The door bangs shut behind you, and you hurry down the stairs and through the cheesily decorated mini-foyer of the dorm (why anyone bothers to decorate the boy's dorm for Christmas is beyond you) and out in to Greenland again. The lids to the trash receptacles are already flipped open, which is enough to raise your mood the tiniest bit. You just got out of the shower; the last fucking thing you want to do is get garbage sludge all over your fingers and under your fingernails and subsequently all over your keyboard. Ugh. So you send both bags flying in to their marked receptacles with skill you didn't know you had (or just pure dumb luck) and jog back to the door, only to be greeted by an offensive, blinking red light. You forgot something.

**Karkat > Examine pants**

There's no need to examine your pants, numbnuts. You know exactly what you did wrong. Sollux absconded with your student ID, and the only way to get in to your building is by sliding said card through the smugly flashing card reeder next to the door. Why the _fuck_ do you have something as fancy as a card reader for your door, but no heating or air conditioning?! This is a boy's dorm; you don't need to be protected like some princess in a castle. Give the card readers to the girls dorms, you sure as fuck don't need them. But, unfortunately, that doesn't really help your situation at all.

And being the giant, flaming ignoramus that you are, you didn't grab your phone on the way out, so it's not like you could call Sollux or any of the other guys in the dorm. You couldn't even call Tav or Gamzee to just chill in their dorm across the street while you wait.

Usually, it wouldn't be a terribly long time before someone else came by, and no one ever asked any questions when someone was just standing around waiting to be let in; they just did it, especially when said person was barefoot and just wearing a t-shirt in below freezing temperatures. But unfortunately, it's winter break. Most people are already home for the break, or out Christmas shopping or out on dates or something like that. Only nerds like you and Sollux would be locked up in the dorm so early in the evening. Past you is such _so stupid_.

Although it shouldn't take Sollux long to pick up a couple of sandwiches, that fucker's luck is even worse than yours. For all you know, he's stuck in line behind the entire soccer team who just finished some freak intensive training. And if any of his flings are there, god forbid, you'll be out here until New Years. Now is not the time to count on your roommate. You have to be proactive.

**Karkat > Examine first floor windows**

Since you and Sollux are relatively short individuals, the fact that your dorm is so old, and the floors are a lot closer together than the newer buildings, hasn't really bothered you. But you remember hearing some of the taller kids bitching about it, and so you circle around to the back of the building, where you can see your lamp glowing through the blinds. You're pretty sure you're out of your fucking think pan, but it's really not that high up, and your window is always unlocked (what's the point at fighting with maintenance to fix the lock for a window on the goddamn second floor?), so if you could just get a boost…

The window below yours is darkened, but slightly cracked, evident by the baby blue curtain fluttering lightly in the barely-there breeze. Must belong to some freshman who obviously hasn't gotten their ass kicked enough, because _god_ that color is gay. But gay is apparently the color of your salvation, because that crack is big enough for you to wedge your feet half in this kid's window and half out, standing on tip toe to grab at the ledge of his own window.

If you had Vriska's freaky luck, you might have seen the light in the room turn on. Of course, how could you know that the dumpass who's window you were scaling like King Kong would just slam the window closed like that without even looking out? Who even _does_ that?

**Karkat > Scream**

Now just hold your My Little Ponies up. You may squawk, or let out a slightly less dignified squeak, but you most certainly did not scream. Regardless of what noise you did or did not make, the window was flung open completely, knocking in to your knees and effectively making you do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the window sill and land ungracefully on your ass.

The boy who's leaning out the window and babbling questions about your safety is most certainly a freshman (and were you not so embarrassed you'd be smug at being able to assess that just from his gay curtains). You can only see his upper half, but from how far he's hanging out the window, you're certain he's at least a foot taller than you. The hoodie he's wearing is blue on grey (your school colors, goddamn freshmen) and absolutely swallows him whole. If he were a chick, he cold probably wear the damn thing as a dress with some leggings and posh boots. But he's not, and he's got these thick square hipster-glasses that you kind of want to throw in the recycling bin with all your empty energy drinks, and god _damn_ is he still talking?

"Do you make it a habit to just slam your window closed without looking, fuckass?" you ask, standing with as much dignity as you can muster, swiping at your ass a couple times to make sure there's no dirt or grass clinging to you. The look he gives you is one of such concentrated befuddlement that you're appalled by how cute you find it.

"Do you make it a habit to try and climb up other people's windows?" he asked, one thick eyebrow raised in question. "What were you even _doing_?"

"Well, _obviously_ , I was trying to climb up in to my room since I got locked out," you say back, channeling all your frustration at the situation and hate for the card readers at this unsuspecting boy. "Unless you think it's normal for people to walk around like this in the winter in your fucked up world."

" _Obviously_ ," he intoned before breaking out in to a grin, and of fucking course he'd have doofy looking buck teeth to complete his look. He was a nerd's wet dream. You remind yourself that you're not as nerdy as everyone says you are. "Come on, then." And then he disappeared from sight.

You stand there stupidly for a moment. Only it wasn't stupidly, more expectantly, because you were expecting him to come around and let you in, but he didn't. Was he wanting you to climb in the window? Of fucking course. But you literally can't feel your feet any more, so it was only with a moment's more hesitation that you clamber through the window.

**Karkat > Examine bucktooth boy's room**

His room looks….remarkably like yours. Movie posters plaster the wall, there's dirty clothes all over the floor, his bookshelf is overflowing with textbooks and comics, and his bed is unmade. Sure, he has gay curtains and matching gay sheets on his bed, but you're actually a fan of a few of the movies up there. Some of them look incredibly stupid (what the fuck even is Con Air?) but it's not as flagrantly homosexual as you'd thought it would be. And it was warm. Really warm.

"You have a heater," You say, looking around for the offending piece of electronics. "You could blow the circuits for the whole building, you know."

The boy shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face. "Between my heater and Dave's turntables, I'm surprised we haven't blown the fuses yet. Dave's my roommate," he answers before you can ask. "Oh, and I'm John! And you are…?"

"Karkat," and he fucking meows at you, and if this were someone you actually knew, and not a stranger who's bedroom window you just climbed through, you probably would have knocked him over for doing something so moronic. "Is that a problem? Do you have a problem with my fucking name?"

John grins again, closing the window (after making a big show of checking to make sure no other barefoot boys were trying to scale the walls). "It's original. It's a suiting name for a sourpuss like yourself."

"Hey, I am _not_ a sourpuss," you practically hiss, which you know doesn't help your case, but you're not a fucking law student like Terezi, so you don't give two shits. In fact, you don't give any shits. Zero is the number of shits you give. The boy is ignoring you, which you're starting to think might be a thing with him, and when he brushes past you to get to the door, you realize with sudden violent chagrin that your chin doesn't quite reach his shoulders. What a lanky motherfucker.

**Karkat > Stop examining bucktooth boy and examine something else**

Well, that's easier said than done, considering you're following him down the hall towards the living room which would be an exact replicate of his and Sollux's as far as layout goes. Bucktooth boy, er, John's hair was mussed, and there was a weird line on the side of his face which could have been from his glasses being mashed against his skin while he slept. Sure, there were no classes right now, but wasn't it still a bit late to be getting up just now? "Are you an art major or something?"

"Naw, I can't even draw a stick figure," he laughs, and in the middle of their living room is the most over-the-top, admittedly gorgeous, set of turntables you've ever seen in your life. Holy shit, he could fry the grid with those things. "I'm a film student, but my dad keeps telling me I should do something that's not going to make me a well-educated hobo."

"He's right," you say, but not wanting to stay on that subject. "How the fuck are you two not in, like, RA prison?"

"We just throw a sheet over it when we have room inspections and they just think it's a table," he said, motioning to a messily folded white sheet slung over the back of the couch. "Are you locked out of your room too?"

"My door is broken," you say, and you genuinely wonder if there's anything in your dorm that's supposed to lock that actually does. "You have to shove it closed, which I didn't, so it should still be propped open. Thanks for letting me in, I guess, even though it was fucking dumb of you to make me climb through the window."

Unfortunately, he doesn't take offense to your language, but just keeps smiling as he opens the door in to the hallway. "Well, if you ever get locked out again, just knock on my window instead of trying to climb it. You're a little short to get up there without getting yourself killed." You sputter angrily, but he ignores you. "Hey listen, most of my friends are already out of town, so maybe if you're not busy later, you could come hang out? My roommate is coming back tonight and we were going to get crazy with Excite Bots."

"That sounds like the stupidest game on the planet," you say, and he pouts just a little, and you head out the door in a hurry. "I'm monumentally busy with more things than your puny mind can handle, but if my vast skills are any indication to how fast I'll be working, I may be able to slip away for just a little bit to humor you with your dumpass game."

The joy on his face is transparent. Goddamnit, Sollux can take out the fucking trash himself next time.

**Author's Note:**

> This story started out as a crack idea brought about by my roommate who gave me her student ID to pick up lunch for her on the way back from my morning class. When I came back, she mentioned that she'd wanted to take out the trash while I was gone, but that would have been a monumentally bad idea considering she'd have been locked out of the dorm. "I would have been Trashstuck!" she said, and the idea was planted, and I had no choice, really. This is my first foray in to Homestuck fanfiction, so any tips or pointers that anyone has would be greatly appreciated. So would any nice comments! Thank you all for reading!


End file.
